Managing your emotions can be overwhelming, but when life adds breast cancer, the emotions can become overwhelming.
If you’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer, you should know that everything you are feeling is normal. Attempting to ignore or not allow yourself to experience your emotions is a setup for an emotional and possibly mental disaster in the future.
Let’s explore some of the emotions we experience and tips on managing the emotional rollercoaster that is the journey with breast cancer. In this article, I’ll discuss my experience and provide tips on how to manage the following emotions: shock and disbelief; anger and frustration; grief and loneliness.
Shock and disbelief
A cancer diagnosis is a hard pill to swallow. It’s even harder to look in the mirror and accept the fact that this is now a hashtag you didn’t expect to attach to your name. When most people receive their breast cancer diagnosis, they aren’t sure what to do. In the midst of it, use this time to process it. Processing can help you determine your next steps in this journey.
The healing timeline for everyone is different, so take your time. Understanding what shock and disbelief look like will enable us to manage them effectively. On the outside, women and men, yes men, might have a blank stare or tears. On the inside is where the battle truly begins….
Some people tend to deny and avoid their newfound reality. Does it make it go away? No. Does denying and avoiding your diagnosis make it easier to deal with breast cancer? Of course not. What it does is delay your healing and recovery. Again, take your time in processing it in a healthy manner. Tell yourself, “I have breast cancer–it doesn’t have me.”
Tip: Give yourself grace and time to process what you are experiencing. Don’t make decisions all at once. Word to the wise–you may change your mind anyway.
Anger and frustration
Have you ever been so upset that you let out a horrific scream in the middle of a room? Maybe you screamed in the car when you were alone. Many patients have done the same thing–it feels good to release a small piece of anger. The number one question is, why me? Why didn’t someone more deserving get such a disease? How much time do I have left? Breast cancer has a way of unapologetically rearranging and restructuring our lives to cater to it as if it’s the king of the world. It infiltrates our plans, activities and even our futures.
Angry and frustration can look exactly how you think they do: loud and disruptive. It can look like being snappy with everyone we encounter. It can weigh on us emotionally and bring tears to our eyes at any given moment.
Being frustrated that life will never be the same is very real and scary. Nobody can blame you for being angry and frustrated, but don’t allow it to hinder your future recovery, because you will recover. Acknowledge your emotions; that’s healthy. I encourage you not to give anger more energy than it needs. You should conserve as much energy as possible. You have a fight on your hands.
Tip: Find safe and healthy ways to release your anger and frustration.
Grief and loneliness
Dealing with a breast cancer diagnosis, coupled with grief and loneliness, may be the toughest emotions to manage. Grief isn’t a feeling that’s reserved only for those who have passed on. Grief can mean saying goodbye to the body that you’re familiar with. It may mean saying goodbye to people you thought were in your support system. There is an understanding that things will never be the same.
Loneliness and grief must be good acquaintances, because you can’t feel one without the other. Have you ever felt alone in a room full of people? Or does it feel like you have a huge breast cancer sign smack dab in the front of your chest? Breast cancer can be isolating. But be assured that there are things we can do to lighten the heaviness of it.
Tip: Acknowledge your emotions and position yourself around others who see you, NOT your diagnosis. Remind yourself this is just a pit stop. Try your best to look at the silver lining.
Managing seasonal depression on top of grief
Having to manage your emotions while going through breast cancer is challenging enough, but adding “winter blues,” seasonal depression or a depressive episode is downright cruel. You may find yourself laughing one minute and crying the next. My laughter came from feeling silly for feeling disconnected and insecure. I was even making faces at my reflection because I felt silly. That also started the tears, as I looked at myself, the cancer patient, in my current state.
I began to feel low in spirit–a sadness I couldn’t explain, depression even. I knew I had to shake that feeling and change those emotions. The scars, disfigured breast and bald head quickly reminded me that this journey isn’t over, but I don’t have to be held captive by my emotions, and you don’t either.
Initially, I thought I had what some people call the holiday blues, but I realized these emotions don’t stop because the holidays are over. The winter blues are most associated with the holidays and winter season due to the lack of sunlight and its effect on our body’s mood regulators.
Do you notice that people seem happier during the summer warmer months as opposed to those who seem melancholy during the winter months?
Tip: Enjoy the holidays; enjoy those who enjoy you. Find what brings you peace, not just in the winter, but in general. Before you know it, winter will be over and the next season will spring forward.
Remember, your emotions are completely normal, personal and part of the journey. Breast cancer does not define your entire life. Like the four seasons, it has a beginning and an end, and beyond it, there is still living, dreaming and becoming.
This too shall pass!