More often than is spoken, the thought of mortality is at the forefront of all patients’ minds when receiving a breast cancer diagnosis.
Many hear the diagnosis but immediately inquire about the prognosis. Diagnosis is different from prognosis: Your diagnosis identifies the type of disease, and your prognosis gives your medical team a glimpse of what treatment and recovery will look like in the future. Unfortunately, not everyone will have a good prognosis. Yet, there are people who live life up until their last breath.
Though you are aware of your circumstances, there are ways you can prepare for the inevitable that soften the harsh sting of reality.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions—all of them!
Scared, sad, confused, depressed, content, even peaceful—that’s expected. Yes, you have felt these emotions before, and you may feel most of them again. Not allowing yourself to feel your emotions will have adverse effects on your health.
It’s O.K. to feel your emotions and even react accordingly based on that emotion. As you deal with the many emotions, you may feel weak — but who said you have to be strong? This is a heavy topic and is not taken lightly by any means, so everything you feel is valid.
Focus on comfort, not control
At this moment, most medical professionals do all they can to ensure that you are as comfortable as possible. What does that look like? Anything from palliative and hospice care to using meds to ease the symptoms of your breast cancer.
Breast cancer patients use palliative care throughout their entire journey. Focusing on comfort also means creating spaces of peace for you to embrace. Being in a peaceful state doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you are aware of your condition and are coming to terms with your situation—even how it ends.
In this phase, patients understand that quality of life matters over quantity. Focusing on comfort and not control allows you to also let go of any negative aspects of life that could be counterproductive to creating a peaceful atmosphere.
What isn’t spoken is left unsaid
What do you need to say to those you love? I love you? Or I’m sorry? What about telling someone, “I’m proud of you!” Remember, we are still being intentional, so if there’s anything that should be cleared up, do it. Say what needs to be said. Whether funny or serious, it can allow closure and healing even once the inevitable takes place.
One thing that plays in my mind today is my last few conversations with one who is no longer physically here. I remember how we conversed about everything under the sun. To this day, I cherish that last conversation, and believe it or not, it helps me cope with life in the present day even though my loved one is no longer here. What you say can have a lasting effect on others for a lifetime. What do you want people to remember about your last conversation?
Leaving your legacy
You are leaving your imprint in this world, but leaving something with those in your circle of concern becomes valuable. Some things have no value until in the hands of those who bring purpose to that “thing.” Think about it: a basketball is a basketball until Michael Jordan bounces it. The ball itself has no value, but because it has been touched and bounced by someone great, it changes how people see the basketball. With you, my friend, it’s no different. A cup, shirt or even a book is not valuable, but because you have worn, touched and signed a note in a book, it has become invaluable.
Leaving a legacy doesn’t mean only giving items to others. It can mean starting a donation of various kinds in their honor.
Living with intention when the end is near can be very complicated, sad and confusing, but there is still hope. Hope for those to find peace and not a cure. Hope for painless days. Hope for memorable moments to carry. Even though your end may be near, you are currently still here. You are still loved, and at the end of the day, your life is full of meaning.
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